Love and connection are two foundational human attachment needs, and both play an important role in well-being. Building and maintaining a culture of fondness, love, and connection in a romantic relationship is crucial and does not come without effort. Love is not only a feeling, but an action – it requires effort, thoughtfulness, understanding, and intentional choice. Let’s explore some ways you can be intentional about showing love in your relationship.

1. What is attachment?

Attachment theory is the idea that humans form a bond with their caregiver(s) in early life, and these relationships impact the ways people connect and interact with others, as well as how people view themselves, throughout life. This includes emotional responsiveness, trust, and self-image. Attachment patterns and behaviors are not concrete, though, meaning that they can change over time or even look different in the context of different relationships. In a romantic relationship, it is important for partners to create a sense of safety, trust, and security with one another, and one way to bolster these elements is to show love.

2. How do you like to receive love?

Knowing how you best receive love is essential. Take some time to reflect: When do you feel the most loved by your partner or loved ones? What can you identify that contributes to feeling loved in those moments? What makes you feel loved? And, have you told your partner these things? Or expressed appreciation or acknowledgment? Often, we tend to give love in the ways we most like to receive love, which can be a clue. Though the love languages are not the only options for what counts as giving or receiving love, they can be a helpful resource when it comes to identifying some of the main categories that resonate with you.

3. How do you show love?

Understanding how you show love, as well as what makes your friends, partner, and family members feel loved gives you an opportunity to tailor your expressions of love to resonate most deeply with them. Ask them what makes them feel most loved by you!

4. What can get in the way of giving or receiving love?

Do you notice yourself deflecting or blocking love? Sometimes, it does not feel safe to accept or show love. Factors that negatively impact a person’s sense of emotional safety are likely tied to difficulty giving and receiving love. Some common factors include:

● Family of origin experiences

● Previous relationship experiences

● Past trauma

● Fear of rejection

● Fear of intimacy

● Lack of trust

● Communication issues

● Personal insecurities or low self-esteem

If you have noticed a sense of disconnection from your loved ones, it might be time to explore where that could be coming from, how to create emotional safety, and how to strengthen your relationships. Whether you’re wanting to navigate these challenges in an individual setting, with your partner, or in a family context, we are here to help at Bridger Peaks Counseling. Contact us today to find out more or schedule an appointment.